Movie & DVD Reviews

Now on DVD: "Land of the Lost" Should Remain So

Author: Adam R. Holz, pluggedinonline.com

"Land of the Lost" movie trailer

DVD Release Date: Oct. 13, 2009
RATED PG-13
DISTRIBUTED BY Universal
DIRECTED BY Brad Silberling (Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, City of Angels, Casper)
STARRING Will Ferrell as Rick Marshall; Anna Friel as Holly Cantrell; Danny McBride as Will Stanton; Jorma Taccone as Chaka; John Boylan as Enik; Leonard Nimoy as The Zarn; Matt Lauer as Himself

I was a very young boy when NBC premiered its campy series about a park ranger and his two kids being transported by raft to a prehistoric world populated by creepy lizard men, a slightly less creepy caveboy, crystal pylons and the ever-present threat of a tyrannosaur's snapping jaws jutting into the makeshift cave they called home. It was a bit scary, but, man, I loved it. Especially the last line of the catchy, banjo-picked theme song: "To the la-aaa-aaaannd ... of the lo-ah-ost."

Thirty-three years after the last big-eyed Sleestak shuffled into the jungle, the franchise is back. Marshall. Holly. Will. Chaka. The Sleestak lizard men and the dinosaurs. They're all back.

But this reloaded version isn't quite how I remember it.

This time, Rick Marshall is a paleontologist with a crazy theory about time travel. After spending millions of taxpayers' dollars on his so-called "tachyon amplifier," Marshall's failure to open a portal in the space-time continuum earns him nothing but ridicule—especially from skeptical Today show host Matt Lauer.

One person, however, believes in Marshall's theory: British scientist Holly Cantrell. Holly convinces Marshall to complete his work on the time-travel device, and the pair drives into the desert to test it, searching for the strongest tachyon signal.

They locate said signal near a dilapidated amusement park ride. Proprietor Will Stanton offers to guide them through Devil's Canyon Mystery Cave on—what else?—a raft. And about as quickly as you can say tachyon amplifier, they get catapulted down a cascading cataract into a world where time and space—and quite a few other nasty things—collide.

The trio's ensuing misadventures introduce them to exiled caveboy Chaka, a meanspirited dino they dub Grumpy and a pair of Sleestak lizard men who each claim the other plans to use the (now lost) time-bending contraption to rule the universe.

Only by relocating the tachyon amplifier can Marshall, Will and Holly put an end to the nefarious plot—and get home. If, that is, they can keep from being eaten by Grumpy.

POSITIVE ELEMENTS
Holly proves to be quite an encouragement for Marshall. Marshall, Will and Holly keep Chaka from being executed. Holly, in particular, treats Chaka compassionately. Marshall acts as if Chaka is his slave for most of the movie, but eventually confesses, "I've treated you like a toilet."

[Spoiler Warning] Will feels more at home in the prehistoric world than he does in ours, and he volunteers to stay behind so that Marshall and Holly can escape.

SPIRITUAL CONTENT
Marshall says his love for Chaka is "a billion times greater than the love that Jesus Christ had for mankind on the cross." Will tells several of Chaka's people, the Pakuni, to "prepare to bow down and worship" him.

SEXUAL CONTENT
Here's a bunch of stuff that wasn't on TV three decades ago: As Holly talks to Chaka, he suggestively paws at her breasts. Will then mimics Chaka's behavior. Chaka's hand is again on her (covered) breast while the group sleeps. When Marshall, Will and Chaka awake one morning, they're positioned in an arrangement that suggests a sexual threesome.

Chaka takes Will to his village where the females are all human looking and are clothed only in loincloths. Five or six women attend to Will, their hair minimally covering their chests and their loincloths barely obscuring their backsides.

Marshall, Will and Chaka go for a dip in a motel swimming pool that's been sucked into the prehistoric world. (The camera focuses on Marshall in his wet underclothes.) In another scene, Holly tears off the legs of her pants, turning them into short shorts. She also wears a cleavage-enhancing tank top that the camera ogles several times, as do Marshall, Will and Chaka. Marshall brags to Matt Lauer about Holly being his lover.

Talk—and a few visuals—revolve around sexual favors, sexual self-gratification, a coffee cup with breasts, a firework Will calls a "Mexican vasectomy," "gay" music and Cialis. Suggestive comments are made at Holly's expense. As Marshall and Will watch, two Sleestaks have sex (offscreen), an event Will describes in crude anatomical terms.

VIOLENT CONTENT
The most intense violence in Land of the Lost almost always maintains a comedic feel. Still, several shots of Grumpy pursuing the film's heroes involve ferocious snapping and biting. A character gets swallowed whole, and Grumpy apparently eats an unfortunate astronaut as well. A small army of Sleestaks are no match for the marauding dinosaur either. He hurls some through the air and sweeps others aside with his tail.

Similarly, a score of small dinosaurs, larger Velociraptors, Grumpy and an angry Allosaurus make quick work of an unfortunate ice cream delivery man when his truck gets yanked through the tachyon portal. Marshall, Will and Holly launch a bottle of liquid nitrogen down a dinosaur's throat. It freezes, then explodes, blowing chunks of red dino meat everywhere. This scene, especially, parallels what moviegoers saw in the Jurassic Park franchise.

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